my christian testimony

Dear Friends,

I said, going into the Primary, that a political revolution must be accompanied by spiritual renewal and revival.

Now, all of a sudden (not really, but kinda), everyone’s talking about who’s a real christian and who isn’t, and which churches are good and which aren’t.

In my early 30s, I darkened the door of (visited) every “christian denomination” out there. I wanted an education in churchianity that I never got as a kid.

My eyes were opened in my late 20s, and I was no longer a sectarian. More on that in a bit. Let me back up.

I’m the oldest of seven. We were raised Catholic until 12, at which time, for reasons I won’t go into right now, my parents took us in the direction of neopentecostalism/charismaticism, intertwined with name-it-and-claim-it theology.

God became my genie in a bottle. Ask for anything. Just believe you have it and He’ll give it to you. (Not so much, but when you’re thoroughly indoctrinated, you keep trying.)

The way to become a Christian in that movement was by repeating someone else’s words.

Being “filled with the Spirit” meant “speaking in tongues.” If you spoke in “tongues,” you had arrived.

I bought it all. I was just a kid. What did I know.

When I say I bought it all, I mean I bought it all.

I “prayed” (in tongues) and fasted for hours and days and weeks many times, looking for God to give me my own lightning bolt that I could use to heal people with, so I could feel special. (Did you catch that? The focus was on me. The selfishness is very subtle.)

Then I had a crisis of employment in my mid to late 20s (I was working for a “ministry” in Tulsa, OK at the time). And though I had a wife and three kids to support, I decided I was going to seek God like never before.

In other words, I quit my job and launched into a fast….that lasted 24 days. And I “prayed in tongues” hour after hour and day after day, for most of those days…until I couldn’t do it any more. Why? Because I wasn’t getting anywhere with God and my body weight was getting low. I needed to get God’s attention and get it fast.

I resorted to opening my Bible and reading the unpretentious prayers of David in the book of Psalms.

Then I started simply talking honestly to God like David did. (Wow. What a novel thing to do.)

Before I knew it, God was dropping a mirror in front of me and showing me what a selfish wretch I was. He showed me that I wasn’t seeking Him for His benefit, I was seeking Him for my benefit. In other words, I was trying to use Him. I wanted Him to serve me rather than seeking His will so I could serve Him. I had been deceived. People told me I was saved. I was not his child. I was a rebel.

It was an epiphany that broke my heart and took me to strong crying and tears. I hated what I saw in that mirror. I hated that I was offensive to God and a stench in His nostrils. He’s the most beautiful, gracious and loving Being there is.

For three days I brooded over this new revelation of my sinfulness. I wanted to get a handle on the depth of it so that I would never descend into such a state again.

After three days, I was ready. I saw how my sins contributed to God’s need to send His precious Son to suffer such horrible things. What a travesty that was.

I knelt before the cross, confessed my sinfulness and gave myself completely to Him.

After a season of deep sorrow and repentance, the most amazing thing happened.

Everything David expressed in Psalms came to life. God became my refuge, my fortress and hiding place. My rock, my high tower, my shield. Etc., etc., etc.

The Holy Spirit descended upon me and covered me with his feathers (I felt it—Psalm 91) and I experienced the most perfect peace imaginable, for the first time in my life.

For the first time in my life I felt like I had a father who loved me and cared for me and I had no reason to worry about anything.

Being raised the oldest of seven in a lower middle class family, I never knew what peace was. I was always competing and striving. Dad was short-tempered and always gone working. It seemed I lived with constant regret and fear.

All of that vanished when the Holy Spirit descended. Never had I felt better or more free. The peace enveloped me and stayed with me for the longest time.

It was the best thing that had ever happened to me, and it was a gift from God.

From that point on, it didn’t matter to me what my status in life was, I just wanted to walk with God and be at peace with Him. It didn’t matter if I was digging ditches, as long as I could fellowship with God in my heart while doing so, and be pleasing in His sight. Being pleasing to Him made me the most happy.

The problem with the whole experience is that it required me to reevaluate my doctrine. That was a two year long struggle. I was so brainwashed. But God saw me through it.

Don’t get me wrong. The challenges of life have a way of catching up with you. I have since sinned, much to my regret. I had no excuse. All we can do is repent, draw near to God again and become wiser to the wiles of the evil one. The older I get, the wiser I become, and the more I learn to stay calm, stay close to Him and trust Him. We can’t for a minute entertain the thought that we can do things on our own.

So…what about doctrine?

It seems that my experience literally woke my mind and reasoning capacity up. Since that radical change (call it a “rebirth”), I have, by-and-large, given myself to studying God’s Word and what it really says.

I have learned to read things in context, both literarily and historically.

I have learned that something can be taken out of context and literally made to say the complete opposite of what it really says, when left in context.

I can argue doctrine all day long. But is it worth it? Is doctrine what’s most important?

I’ll readily grant, sound doctrine is important…very important, but is fighting about it worth staining your soul over? …and worth forgetting your relationship with God over? I hope you catch my drift. Maintain your composure. Everyone already inherently knows the first and second most important doctrines…love God supremely and your neighbor as yourself. These are written on our hearts. If someone denies them, and simple reasoning doesn’t work, simply walk away, pray and let God handle it.

What is saving faith?

Saving faith isn’t mental assent to a set of doctrines, as is frequently taught today. It is turning your heart over to God.

Saving faith is a trust in God that leads us to obey Him.

What does the Lord require of us? To do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly. (Micah 6:8)

We see through a glass darkly (a reference back to doctrine). But who can argue against obeying God (in doing justly, loving mercy and walking humbly)?

Who?

Believe it or not, some people do argue against it, in effect. They take Paul out of context and say that it is impossible to obey God. Such a doctrine is preposterous. God’s grace is more powerful than any temptation. All we have to do is humble ourselves before Him and avail ourselves of His strength. He will give it. (Don’t be in a hurry.)

Like it or not, we are totally dependent on God. We are not self-made creatures. We are dependent creatures. And we owe God EVERYTHING. We have nothing to boast about…except Him!

What church should I attend?

You’re going to find problems anywhere you go. Either with doctrine or people’s lifestyles.

Consider how sinful and murderous (in heart) and corrupt in doctrine the “church” of Jesus’ day was. They couldn’t even recognize the Son of God when He walked through the door.

Still, he attended...and even preached there.

He said, "I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." 

Sinners exist both in and outside the "church.”

Now, I’m not telling you to purposely subject yourself to abuse and false teaching. The Jews did, after all, read the Scriptures. They just interpreted it wrong. 

I’m telling you to think for yourself, to pray and seek God, and obey His Word. God will never tell you to sin. And God doesn’t call that which is sinful holy. He calls it like it is. Christ’s righteousness is only yours if you wear it.

Going back to my not being sectarian.

I can worship anywhere that names the name of Christ, because I focus on Christ. Does that mean I can stand everything that is preached. No. I have given my life, heart and mind to seeking the truth. There are some doctrines I just can’t stand to listen to, they are so offensive and misleading.

I think the definition of “church” has largely been corrupted.

To be honest, it’s hard for me to find a modern “church” that I can attend for very long. Either because of doctrine or because they bow the knee to government.

“Covid” certainly drew a line.

Tax-exemption draws a line.

But still, someone will say, “What? You can’t stay in a church? What’s wrong with you?”

Nothing. Ask the next pastor you meet where he/she goes to church?

Does he/she go somewhere and listen to someone else?

No. They listen to themselves every Sunday morning!!

Why can’t I do the same????

I have a Bible. I can read. I also engage people. Lots of them.

And I like reading real God-fearing sermons from the past.

Next question. Where did Paul go to church and sit under a pastor?

Wasn’t Jesus his pastor? Why can’t Jesus be mine? He’s the good shepherd.

Next question. Where did Abraham go to church? (By the way, Abraham was very rich.)

He went outside, built an altar and knelt down to God. The heavens declared to him the glory of God. (A way better “sermon” than what most preachers offer today, with their sin-excusing sermons.)

I seek God’s glory above all else. I think I’m okay. But by all means, if you see sin in my life, call it out. I tremble at the thought of offending my heavenly Father.

That’s all.

Your faithful servant,

Robert J. Borer